U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
