checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
