just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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