the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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