I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
