I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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