I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
