According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
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I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
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There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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