I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
