She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize