We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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