your thong is hanging out like whoa
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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