my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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