i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
