I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
