I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
