I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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