I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
