Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
