I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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