I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Bring me that man meat
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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