I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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