I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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