Pappa wants mamma naked
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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