I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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