i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I intend to get homeless drunk
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
