he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
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Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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