I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
