biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
