Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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