if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
