Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
