Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
