don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
