I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize