Soap is not a condiment
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
