We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
