You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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