epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
