Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
