So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
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I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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