: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
