my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
