I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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