He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
