I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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