Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
