Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He felt like a one man threesome
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
