my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
