i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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