I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
