I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
