oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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