Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
