Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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