I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
