I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
