dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
